(To be used at Purim Shpiels)
RONALD C. KIENER is Professor of Invisible Phenomena at Trinity College, Hartford, CT, and Grand Wazoo of Trinity's Department of Religion. Professor Kiener received his B.A. in Hebrew Literature from the University of Minnesota in 1976 after blackmailing the University's Board of Regents, and earned his Ph.D. in Religious Studies from the University of Pennsylvania in 1984 by charging his thesis advisor with financial misconduct. From 1981-83 he was a Visiting Instructor at Dartmouth College, and was then run out of town by an angry mob. He has been the recipient of a National Endowment for the Humanities Fellowship, and spent the fellowship money on blackjack lessons, to no avail.
Professor Kiener is a member of the Association for Jewish Studies, the World Union for Jewish Studies, the Middle Eastern Studies Association, the American Academy of Religion, and the United States Curling Association.
Professor Kiener's career has been in a long slide since 1990, and most people think he is a washed-up has-been. Respected by no one, dismissed by all, he hasn't published all that much and has an arrest record as long as your arm. Professor Kiener is convinced the world is out to get him, and trusts no one. For the last five years he has been on medication, but he is developing a resistance to Prozac, Paxil, and Zoloft, and is starting to hear voices.